Naming nitty gritty

Baby name consultation: Is this name okay?

sanctanomina Baby name consultant, Naming nitty gritty

Today’s consultation is for a family who has a pretty good idea of the name they’d like to use, but they just need some reassurance. The name is Anessa, a variant of Agnes, and they write,

“I worry about missing something — years ago we had friends who named their daughter ‘Sarin’ only later to realize it is the name of a deadly compound in used in chemical warfare!  I think they changed it to ‘Sarah’ before the child was 1.”

Though my gut reaction was that Anessa is totally fine, and a beautiful choice!, I did give some good consideration to the question — names that are more unusual are more prone to having just one association stick, after all. I googled Anessa to see if anything weird came up — there seems to be a brand of sunscreen called Anessa, and an Asian site that have the name but I have no idea what it’s saying and even if it’s bad I can’t imagine it would be the kind of thing that would be a problem here. It seems one of the Cabbage Patch Kids from years ago was Anessa as well. Even the name sites don’t have much on the name, and you all know that any time there’s a chance for someone to voice an opinion online (especially a negative one!), people jump at the chance! So the fact that there isn’t anything controversial to read is encouraging.

It would be really helpful to get your opinions as well. Is there anything about the name Anessa that these parents should know before choosing it?

What goes with Reverie?

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I read this dilemma over in the Baby Name Wizard discussion forum with interest — the mom of Reverie is stuck on what to name her second daughter. What a fun name Reverie is! Whimsical and sweet, and I love the nicknames Rev and Revi. But yeah — what do you name Reverie’s sister?

Amazingly, there’s actually a semi-famous little girl named Reverie — daughter of the mom who blogs at Girl’s Gone Child (whose name taste I’ve long been swoony over) — and she’s got two sisters with amazingly perfect names (in my opinion): Fable and Boheme. Fable and Boheme! I know Boheme is sometimes called Bo, and she’s the twin of Reverie — Rev and Bo! 😍 And with Fable — and the nickname possibility Fay/Fae — these three have got to be some of the best named sisters I’ve ever come across. (They also have a brother, Archer.)

But of course the mom in the Baby Name Wizard discussion probably shouldn’t consider Boheme or Fable, given how very *owned* they are (and this coming from a person who doesn’t consider it possible to own a name). Do you agree?

Anyway, I was interested in this list of girl names the parents of Fable, Boheme, and Reverie considered and never used:

Colette
Delphine
Echo
Lark
Cricket
Autumn
Clover
Daisy
Dahlia
Zenith
Belle
Luna
Harbor
Paisley
Blythe
Phoenix
Nova
Aura
Marigold
Azure
Lumina
Meadow
Season
Beatrix
Saffron
Valentine
Zephyr

I have to say, none of them hits me in the same way as Fable, Boheme, and Reverie. Zenith, Zephyr, Echo, and Azure come closest I think, but otherwise I think this list — great as so many of the names are, and some of my favorites — doesn’t really fit with the other three girls’ names’ feminity+unusualness. I’d love to know if you disagree!

Anyway, I’ve been working on a list of names I thought would be a good match to Reverie (from the BNW discussion I quite like Haven, Sonnet, Soleil, and Lumen nicked Lulu!), and came up with the following:

Reine (I met a woman recently named Reine, said like “Wren”)
Thaïs (which I suggested over at the BNW)
Vesper
Hero
Starling
Xanthe
Juniper (maybe)
Charis (maybe)
Phaedra
Briseis (thanks to Mandi at A Blog About Miscarriage for turning me on to this name)
Bronte
Rhiannon

What do you think? What names do you think would fit for a sister for Reverie?

How to deal with uncommon names becoming more popular

sanctanomina Naming nitty gritty

Paige posted this interesting question to my FB wall:

“Silly question. Any tips on how to get over the agitation that comes when you’ve chosen a name for your child that was unique and it starts to gain popularity? I don’t like nicknames so that’s out.”

First off, not a silly question at all! We all know what being a namiac does to a person. 😉

I’ve been thinking a lot about this question since Paige asked it. It was smart of her to say nicknames aren’t really her thing, because otherwise I do think that could be a good way to manage the downfalls of a popular name (or a name that’s more popular than one would like). And I’m actually realizing just now that I don’t know Paige’s situation — whether she’s expecting a baby and has already decided on a name, or if she has an already-born child whose name is becoming more popular. My thoughts would be different for each situation, so I’ll address each one separately.

If you’re expecting a baby, and have already decided on a name, and are now having a really hard time with the fact that it’s becoming more popular, I would definitely seriously think of changing the name. Before the baby has arrived, anything goes! If it’s a name that’s important to you — a family name, for example, or a favorite saint, or the best friend you promised when you were six that you’d name your first child after — then maybe looking for an unusual variant of it would do the trick. Sean instead of John, that kind of thing. It might also be helpful to remember that things that really really bother you when you’re pregnant might mean very little to non-pregnant you, so if, for example, your husband really wants to stick with the name that you’ve already agreed upon even though you’re having agita over it, and there’s just no changing his mind, there’s a chance that after the baby’s here and all the intensity has calmed down and life has regained some normalcy, it won’t seem so bad to you after all. Especially since babies very often immediately own their names and all of a sudden you can’t imagine your little one having any other name in the world, even if there ends up being two others with the same name in his/her Kindergarten class.

If the baby’s already born and named, you could still think of changing the name (depending on how old he/she is). The rules about such things varies from state to state, but I’m pretty sure they all have a grace period after the birth during which you can change the name on the birth certificate without too much fuss. If the child’s older — old enough to know and recognize his/her name — that’s a different story. If you’re in the situation where the name absolutely can’t be changed, and nicknames aren’t a great option, I would encourage you to think about why you chose the name in the first place. Certainly sometimes a big part of the reason you like a name is because it’s uncommon, but there are lots of uncommon names that you didn’t choose, so what was it about this one that made it special? What qualities (besides uncommonness) did you love? Can you add further amazing qualities to it even now, in hindsight, like finding an amazing saint with the name that you can fall in love with? I’ve often found that reminding myself (over and over if needed, accompanied by lots of Hail Marys) of the good characteristics and blessings of a challenging thing in my life helps my heart soften toward that thing.

Finally, no matter what the situation is (pre- or post-birth+naming), it’s also helpful to remember that names can come zooming out of nowhere and become huge hits overnight if a certain blockbuster book or movie with an uncommonly named hero enters the country’s consciousness. On the flip side, names can immediately drop like a rock due to widespread negative associations (just think of all the sweet little girls who were lovingly given the name Isis before the name had the association it now does). So knowing that you can’t ever guarantee what will happen to the name you’ve so carefully and lovingly chosen can provide a real measure of freedom to just choose a name you like — a name whose sparkly bits you’ll always be able to remember, no matter how popular it becomes.

These also might be helpful, regarding the popularity of names today not being the same as the popularity of names in the past: This great comment from our very own grace and Even the Top 10 Is Not Necessarily the Kiss of Death by Swistle. Also these, on naming regret: Naming regret by me and An Account of Baby Name Regret by Swistle.

What do you all think about Paige’s question? Do you think my thoughts are spot on or totally off base? Have you experienced this, and how did you handle it? What other advice would you offer to Paige or anyone else with this struggle?

Papa Benny on the significance of names

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I was doing some research for a spotlight on Jacob, which I’ll post later this morning, and came across this bit from our dear Pope Emeritus Benedict, regarding the incident in the bible when Jacob fights the unknown assailant (Genesis 32:23-33):

“His rival, who seems to be held back and therefore defeated by Jacob, rather than giving in to the Patriarch’s request, asks him his name: “What is your name?”. And the Patriarch replies: “Jacob” (v. 28). Here the struggle takes an important turn. In fact, knowing someone’s name implies a kind of power over that person because in the biblical mentality the name contains the most profound reality of the individual, it reveals the person’s secret and destiny. Knowing one’s name therefore means knowing the truth about the other person and this allows one to dominate him. When, therefore, in answer to the unknown person’s request Jacob discloses his own name, he is placing himself in the hands of his opponent; it is a form of surrender, a total handing over of self to the other.”

It’s commentary like this that reinforces for me that our interest in names isn’t frivolous at all — names are so important!

Great article on African naming traditions

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Abby at Appellation Mountain shared this article recently: Africa’s naming traditions: Nine ways to name your child.

Not only do I just love learning about the naming traditions of other cultures, but I was so intrigued by this:

“Many parents express their religious beliefs through names … [like] Hailemariam means the power of Mary (Ethiopia)“

Hailemariam! I love it! I tried to find other examples of Marian names within African naming traditions and was unsuccessful, but in doing so I came across the story of Our Lady of Kibeho and loved this namey bit from the Judgement on the Apparitions of Kibeho by Bishop Augustin Misago of Gikongoro, Rwanda:

“Yes, the Virgin Mary appeared at Kibeho on 28 November 1981 and in the months that followed. There are more reasons to believe in the apparitions than to deny them. Only the three initial testimonies merit being considered authentic; they were given by Alphonsine Mumureke, Nathalie Mukamazimpaka, and by Marie Claire Mukangango. The Virgin appeared to them with the name “Nyina wa Jambo”, that is “Mother of the Word”, which is synonymous to “Umubyeyl W’iamna” that is, “Mother of God”, as she herself explained.”

Do any of you know anything more about African naming traditions, especially in light of the faith? Any other examples of Marian names like Hailemariam?

Great article on name spellings

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A while ago I put up a tab at the top called Helpful naming tips and info — it’s a collection of posts and comments from here and elsewhere that I think are particularly helpful. I’ve been gradually adding to it as I come across things (comments, posts, articles) that I think are particular helpful regarding a particular naming issue.

I’m just about to add Abby’s post from today: Spelling Counts: 9 Rules for Spelling Baby Names. Such a great post! A few really valuable nuggets:

  • “If you’re not sure how to spell your child’s name, choose the dominant spelling … Notice I didn’t say correct spelling.”
  • “I borrowed the phrase “phonetic transparency” from NameLab years ago, and it’s still one of my favorite finds. The corporate naming group explains it this way:A phonetically transparent name is spoken-as-spelled and easily pronounced from alphabetic notation … Creative spellings work when they stay within the bounds of phonetic transparency. Which means they work best when the changes are relatively minor. I know how to pronounce Jaymee and Lauryn, even if I expect to see Jamie and Lauren … Change too much, though, and you sacrifice phonetic transparency”
  • “If there’s one hard and fast thou-shalt-not on this list, it has to this one: avoid novelty spellings … Kneena for Nina. Kviiilyn for Kaitlyn. Airwrecka for Erica”
  • “But here’s an important rule of thumb: the more creative the spelling, the less sophisticated the name appears”

As with all of Abby’s name writing, I love how she imparts hard naming truths (“the more creative the spelling, the less sophisticated the name appears”) without coming across as offensive to anyone.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on name spellings! Do you, as a rule, like or loathe creative spellings? Are there any exceptions to your own rules (i.e., if you dislike like kr8tyv-type spellings in general, are there any that you actually think are kind of clever or attractive)?

UPDATE: I just remembered I wrote this for CatholicMom ages ago: A Name by Any Other Spelling

Abe Lincoln’s son

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My husband is reading a book about Abraham Lincoln right now (Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln; he loves it), and was telling me about his son Tad. He said he didn’t know the boy’s given name, though he assumed it was Thaddeus, and asked me if I would look it up to be sure.

Any time my husband asks me to do name research, I drop everything and scurry off to do it, so rare is it and so delighted am I to have any kind of name conversation with him ever. 🙂

I discovered that Tad Lincoln’s given name was Thomas! He was nicknamed Tad because his dad thought he was “as wiggly as a tadpole” when he was a baby. How cute is that! To me, that makes Tad very doable as a nickname for a Thomas in a more “official” way because there’s a precedent for it. Do you agree? What do you think of Tad as a nickname for Thomas?

Miscarried baby’s name stolen?

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A friend sent me this story yesterday, and I’m still thinking about it: ‘Don’t Talk About the Baby’ #ShatterTheStigma

Long story short: The author and his wife named their just-conceived baby Lydia Rose, and then lost her at 8 1/2 weeks. I know, as so many of you do, the devastation of miscarriage; mine was even earlier than the author’s, and yet it’s still fresh nine years later. I know you know! Later on (not sure how long) the author’s brother and his wife informed them that they would be naming their soon-to-be-born baby Lydia, which crushed the author and his wife, and despite them begging the in-laws to reconsider, the in-laws went ahead with naming their baby Lydia. Which led to the author and his wife basically cutting off ties with their family and even moving several states away.

The author’s very very sensitive about this topic, which makes me hesitate to even discuss it here, but since he wrote about it on his Patheos blog (so public! eek!) and it has to do with Catholic baby naming and a friend (who’s also a reader) asked me about it, I thought it made sense to post it.

We’ve talked here before about “name stealing,” and the example given in that post was a pretty emotional one involving family relationships; I’ve also shared my own story about asking my brother and his wife if they minded if we used a name I thought they might have been hoping to use (and we were committed to foregoing the name if it meant a possible family rift). Even still, I’m sort of blown away by the depth of grief this couple is still going through, years after the loss of the baby. I tried to imagine being in the same spot, but I just can’t see myself being so upset if my brother and his wife had wanted to use the same name for their son as we’d given to our baby. Of course everyone grieves in their own way, and just because I can’t imagine myself reacting similarly doesn’t mean they’re reacting wrongly. But I can’t help but think that talking about it all with a priest or even a mental health professional would be helpful (and maybe they already have). Dear St. Anne, please pray for this couple and their whole family!

What do you all think of this? Do any of you feel like you can understand where they’re coming from? If Mandi from A Blog About Miscarriage is reading, I wonder what your thoughts are and if you have any resources that might be helpful for a family in this situation?

Prepare ye the way of the Lord (Advent names)

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I’ve had “Prepare ye the way of the Lord” in my head the last few days, which is such a lovely Adventy thing to have in my head now that Advent has begun, and what better way for a name blogger to celebrate Advent than by making a list of Advent names!

At least, that was my intention — and not just Advent names, but *new* names, not the same names everybody has written about forever and ever for babies born this time of year — but I had a hard time coming up with anything new! So many of the names that could qualify as Advent names are also legitimately Christmas names, and I’ve written about Christmas names a few times already (see the end of the post for a list), so I didn’t want to rehash or repackage the same names over again. (Also, even though I didn’t package it that way my Nameberry article from last year is explicitly Adventy, since it refers to titles of the coming Messiah as noted by Isaiah in the context of the O Antiphons — it’s all prophecy and anticipation about Christmas.)

That said, I just have to say that I think there are some Christmas names that just *are* Advent names, and no Advent list would be complete without them, like Mary, Joseph, Emmanuel (is O Come O Come Emmanuel not one of the most Adventy of songs?), Gabriel, John and Baptist, Elizabeth, Zechariah, and Belén (the Spanish for Bethlehem) or even Bethlehem itself, so if you’re looking for an Advent name, don’t ignore the lists of Christmas names.

I was able to come up with a few new ideas though, and this site was incredibly helpful, as it explained a bunch of things about Advent that I actually didn’t already know, like how the first Sunday of Advent is set (it’s not actually the Sunday after Thanksgiving, as I might have mindlessly thought for a long time … I mean, it *is* the Sunday after Thanksgiving, but that’s not how it’s set of course, since most of the world doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving but they do celebrate Advent), and also what each of the candles means and represents. Based on those things, as well as some of my own ideas, here are some Advent names that you may not find on any list of Christmas names:

Andrew: Currently, the first Sunday of Advent is set on the first Sunday near the feast of St. Andrew (Nov. 30). Did you already know that? I didn’t! How cool!

Catherine: This is definitely a little bit of a stretch, but St. Catherine of Siena was known to be so joyful as a child that she was nicknamed Euphrosyne, which is Greek for “joy,” and between the “Rejoice” of Gaudete Sunday (the third Sunday of Advent, when we light the third [pink] candle) and the fact that the third candle is called the Candle of Joy, a Joy name is quite appropriate for Advent (it’s already on lists of Christmas names). You could certainly use Euphrosyne, but I thought Catherine might be a bit easier!

Isaiah: This Old Testament prophet foretold the coming of the Messiah and shared all those amazing titles of the Messiah as remembered in the O Antiphons (see my Nameberry article for more on those).

Lydia: Lydia in the New Testament was a seller of purple cloth — this could be a subtle connection to the three purple candles of the Advent wreath.

Old Testament ancestors of Jesus: I wrote about Jesus’ genealogy here and here — using one of His ancestors’ names is a neat way of nodding to the centuries of preparation for the first Christmas.

Rose: Of course Rose always refers to Our Lady, but it can also refer to the pink candle on the Advent wreath, lit on the third Sunday of Advent aka Gaudete Sunday (Gaudete=Rejoice).

And jumping out of alphabetical order, maybe the craziest+coolest idea: Rorate Caeli/Coeli. As explained by the Catholic Encyclopedia at New Advent:

“(Vulgate, text), the opening words of Isaiah 45:8. The text is used frequently both at Mass and in the Divine Office during Advent, as it gives exquisite poetical expression to the longings of Patriarchs and Prophets, and symbolically of the Church, for the coming of the Messias. Throughout Advent it occurs daily as the versicle and response at Vespers. For this purpose the verse is divided into the versicle, “Rorate coeli desuper et nubes pluant justum” (Drop down dew, ye heavens, from above, and let the clouds rain the just), and the response: “Aperiatur terra et germinet salvatorem” (Let the earth be opened and send forth a Saviour”). The text is also used: (a) as the Introit for the Fourth Sunday in Advent, for Wednesday in Ember Week, for the feastof the Expectation of the Blessed Virgin, and for votive Masses of the Blessed Virgin during Advent; (b) as a versicle in the first responsory of Tuesday in the first week of Advent; (c) as the first antiphon at Lauds for the Tuesday preceding Christmas and the second antiphon at Matins of the Expectation of the Blessed Virgin; (d) in the second responsory for Friday of the third week of Advent and in the fifth responsory in Matins of the Expectation of the Blessed Virgin.”

The nickname Rory could totally make Rorate as a first name doable! What do you think? Crazy? Cool? Both?

In a fun twist, Haley from Carrots for Michaelmas tweeted me (tweeted to me?) yesterday asking about my Advent names post, which was so weird since I was thinking about this as-yet unwritten one! But then I listened to her and Christy’s latest Fountains of Carrots podcast and realized they had mentioned it there, and I think they were referring to that same O Antiphons Nameberry article I’ve referred to several times here.

This is another post and article I wrote about Christmas names, which also contain good Advent ideas:

Holy Family Names for Christmastime Babies (Catholic Mom)

Names for a Christmas baby

And this post is the most comprehensive I’ve ever come across, containing both familiar and surprising ideas (not written by me): Christmas Baby Names

What do you think of these Advent names? Would you consider them for an Advent baby, or are they too un-obvious for your taste? I’d love to know what unexpected/new names you can add to the list!

Great TV names that “evoke an image”

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I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!! I remain ever so grateful for all of you!! ❤

Something fun today — a reader emailed me with the following question:

“[M]y husband and I watch the TV show The Blacklist, in which the main character Elizabeth named her daughter Agnes at the end of the last season. I also noticed that in Gray’s Anatomy one of the couples (can’t remember their names, I just get glimpses of this show when hubs watches) named their baby Harriett. I wondered if you had any thoughts about TV show baby names/”bringing back old lady names”, whether Catholicky or not. It may not be a trend at all, if I just happen to have noticed the two times it happened in recent TV…I haven’t looked further into it, because the amount of TV is too overwhelming!“

Ohhh goodness, I feel that way too: “the amount of TV is too overwhelming!” My parents and my hubs and I are always on the lookout for a good show, and I personally find myself often overwhelmed at the number of options and the number of suggestions by family and friends. Not a terrible problem to have!

Anyway, back to this lovely reader’s question, I responded:

“[O]n the one hand, I feel like TV writers try to get a feel for how the trends are going and maybe get ahead of the next big trend if they can? And maybe them introducing the names that might have been the next big ones anyway (based on the fact that I think it takes two generations for names to stop feeling dated and start feeling vintage or something like that) cements them, or really gets it started?“

And then I took to Twitter, tagging Duana because she’s an actual TV writer!

tvnames1

And she said:

tvnames2a

tvnames3

tvnames2

So fun to get inside TV naming a little, right? That phrase — “a name that evokes an image” — has been going around in my head the last couple days, and I kept thinking of TV names that I thought were bang-on (at least for me):

Frasier and Niles Crane and Lilith from Frasier (and Frasier and Lilith were originally on Cheers)

Both the first names and the last name of the Crane brothers say to me “pretentious, meticulous, Ivy League.” I have long been in love with these characters’ names, they’re so perfect! And could Lilith — the name of a scary demon in Jewish tradition — be the perfect name for a hated ex-wife character? Um, yes! (My husband thought I should include Daphne Moon, but I’ve never felt the name was quite right for her. I mean yes, they attempted to show her as a little flaky and with the whole “third eye” thing, which the name Daphne Moon does fit, but I never felt like they were successful with portraying her that way — I always thought she was wiser and more serious/grounded than her name suggests.)

Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Phoebe, Joey from Friends

For both Chandler and Rachel, it’s the last names that do it for me — Bing is just kind of goofy; Green is “inexperienced” — both seem perfect for their characters, with Green being especially good for how Rachel joined the group. Phoebe is both nature-y, being the name of a bird and the sound of its call, and goddess-y, being the name of a Titan goddess, and therefore is really great for a hippie-type character (though I don’t like that I know some people who won’t consider it for their own daughters because of the name being so connected to that character. But it is biblical and Grace’s Phoebe is doing wonders for the name and Friends ended over ten years ago [and aired over twenty years ago — wha??]). And Joey. Is there a better name for a good-guy buddy with simple tastes?

Steve Urkel on Family Matters and Topanga on Boy Meets World

These two are listed together of course because both shows were on the TGIF lineup when I was a teen and though my parents rarely let us watch anything other than the G-est of G-rated shows, we did all gather for these Friday night shows and we loooooved them (if you know my brothers, don’t let them tell you differently!). Urkel is just the best last name for this nerdy character with the nasally voice! And Topanga was perfect for the child of hippy dippy parents.

Michael and Linc on Prison Break

Michael — not Mike — is serious like his name and a good/wholesome protective defender like St. Michael; Linc (in the context of the show) makes me think of chain-link fences and prison. Though I don’t love Lincoln and Michael as brother names, just because they have different feels, I do love Linc and Michael as these two jail-bird (but good-guy) brothers.

Jim, Michael Gary Scott, Dwight Kurt Schrute from The Office

Jim is a great name for his character I think — just your normal guy in a normal, not-exciting job (contrarily, I’ve always HATED Pam’s name — not the name, just the name for her — it just always struck me as inappropriate for her age and without the appropriate image to make up for it. Pamela went from barely top 1000 in 1925 to #10 in 1953 and then slid slowly down again, though it didn’t drop out of the top 100 until 1984. So yes, it’s conceivable that Pam could have been named Pam, but it just always felt too 1953 to me, and what does 1953 hope to convey? But then the girl in The Fockers was Pam, so maybe I’m all off). Michael is such a versatile name, but I love that he was always Michael (unless he was Prison Mike 😂), which was really good for a boss that tried hard to be the boss, and I love that his middle name was Gary — the whole thing first+middle+last combo was just so him. And Dwight strikes me as kind of nerdy (no offense to any non-nerdy Dwights!), but also the staccato cadence of the full Dwight Kurt Schrute (as well as the Germanness of Kurt and Schrute) is very militaristic and goose-steppy, so perfect for him.

Leonard, Sheldon, Howard on Big Bang Theory

They’re three geeky, socially awkward twenty-something scientists, and I think these names convey that immediately! (Not if they were on older men, mind you, just on young men.)

Lorelai on Gilmore Girls

This one is iffy. I do find it hard to believe that her parents would name a daughter Lorelai — it’s so perfect for her — kind of creative and funky — but not perfect for those parents to have chosen. However, I do appreciate that they explained Lorelai was her dad’s mom’s name — that does strike me as very them, to choose an old family name.

Those are just the ones that came to me over the last few days as particularly good — I’d love to know what TV character names you think perfectly evoke the image the character embodies! I’m being pretty strict here — I want *just* TV character names, not movie or book character names — I think (tell me if you disagree!) there is/can be a difference between how characters on TV/in movies/in books are named (I’ll do other posts on those later).

(Don’t forget to check out the Sancta Nomina marketplace for any of your Black Friday shopping! 🙂 )